(‘Spic) Jedi Mind Tricks

I get put through many awkward moments here at the bodega.

Too many to list here, unfortunately

But none more so than the Spic Jedi Mind Trick.

The Force is strong in this one....

Don’t laugh….its not funny.

Its weird, and just plain ol’ creepy.

Come take a walk with me and let me tell you how it usually goes down:

1^st Scenario:

Customer walks in, approaches my cell…er, I mean counter and says “Excuse me, are you guys hiring?”

Valid question, right? No biggie….

I say, “No, I’m sorry. We aren’t.”

End of conversation, you would think, right?

Negative.

They say, “Are you sure? Not even a part time? I used to work the register at so and so place for x amount of time. I have experience.”

Ok.

You’re persistent. Can’t blame you for that. Times are rough. It’s admirable to see someone in a position of need trying to do something about it.  That’s cool.

I say, “Again, no, we aren’t. I’m sorry, but good luck on your search.”

NOW, the conversation is over……..right?

Double negative.

Customer: *blank stare*

At this point, I turn my attention to the PAYING customer in front of me. But I finish up, turn around and….

**blank stare**

Why are you still standing there? Staring at me?

I’m feeling uncomfortable.

So trying to break the tension that they’re causing, I say, “Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: * blank stare mixed in with creepy, pedophile like puppy dog eyes*

This goes on for about another 2 minutes. Usually till I walk away.

WTF?!?!?

Is you looking at me like you want to lather me in peanut butter and eat me supposed to make change my mind and offer you a job??

If anything, you’ve only accomplished me making a mental note about you being a weirdo.

I wish it ended there. Read on….

Scenario numero dos:

Customer: “How much are your Bronco cigarettes?”

Me: “ 4 dollars”

Customer: “4 dollars?!?! Wow that’s expensive!”

Mind you, that’s average price in my neighborhood

Me: “So, you want them?”

Customer: * blank stare *

Again, I turn away to attend to PAYING customers, but turn around, and there they are…just staring at me……sometimes even sticking their tongue out saying “halabaooooooo” (apparently, that’s some strange Cuban custom thing they do when they’re shocked, surprised, etc.,etc.,)

I turn back, and BAM!

*sigh*

Still there.

Still staring.

Still creepy.

What, on Gods beautiful, Green Earth, are you waiting for!?!?!?

I’m not dropping the price!

This isn’t a negotiation.

You’re not haggling the price of a car.

There’s no wiggle room.

Either you got the money and pay for it…..or you don’t.

You don’t pull this shit at Walgreens or any other big retailer.

Why are you doing this here?

Why are you making me think you want to something more than cigarettes?

If yall are trying to change my mind through osmosis and some technique you saw in an old George Lucas flick, it aint working…..

All its doing is making me reach and check if my pepper spray is full and ready to go…..